I’m sitting here beside one of my granddaughters thinking about how many memories I have of my parents/kids/grands…. and I have so many thoughts about so many memories I would like to leave them with.
Today was a typical day….sat with Angus just for a little while before starting errands. First to Walmart..went to the one in Rocky Mount today, don’t know exactly why since I usually leave that as off limits. There’s just so many episodes of violence in the parking lot that I usually go to Nashville. Needed to get a few groceries. Got in and out,,,not my favorite place,,,went on to my “really favorite” place..LOWE’S. LOL Go ahead and laugh. Yea, I know I’m almost 66 and yea I know I use a motorized chair to speed around the place,,BUT…love the tools and lumber, They just call my name for some reason. Some of my father’s genes just popping out at a late age. My hubby is a category A personality and I fall into a category “Z” ! But he is so sweet. He just shakes his head at my current projects and tools. He doesn’t say anything…just laughs and keeps moving. Yes, I have my projects and tools in the house! When I say tools..I mean TOOLS ! I have a big wooden box in my living room that was bequeathed to me by my son’s family at Christmas. I love it to put my tools in but its so heavy, I can’t even put the lid on. LOL of course, it would have to come off the next day. I usually use my tools on the front porch because the back deck doesn’t have a roof over it.. I would if it did though. So almost everyday, I’m on the porch with a circular saw/drill/sander or using my drill as a screw driver. I love those! I don’t have too much muscle to be putting in screws!
I fell in love with building last summer when I was pretty much forced into finishing a chicken coop when the man who was doing it just couldn’t finish it. In all fairness, he was volunteering and he had a 6-day a week job out in the heat. I had little chicks who were getting bigger by the day. So out came my hubby’s tools and the game was on! Each day, no matter how hot it was, I made sure I completed one thing. My muscles hurt and I couldn’t count the bruises! When my arms got tired when trying to use the drill to screw boards up,,,,sometimes they came tumbling down on my head/neck or whatever..It hurt! I was forever falling over or off of something but nothing serious thank heavens, I was so tired some nights I know that my dh was hoping I would give up on it because he hardly volunteered his time. I was so greatful that he helped me with getting the door leveled and on its posts. Had managed to get all the postholes dug with cement. Man at Love’s said to pour about 40lb bag in a 2 ft hole and pour the water to it.., I still had to get them to stay level so I put them thru a cement block to hold them in place. LOL yea, I didn’t think about how I was going to get them off of a 12 ft post afterwards! Tried lifting the first one over it while on a 6ft ladder, Figured that wasn’t going to happen for all the posts I had so I took a hammer to all of them and pushed them into the holes as best I could as I was pushing the dirt back into the holes. That in itself is the story of my “build”. I felt like it was one tough step forward and at least 2 baby steps backwards!
So much for that. I started this blog because a good friend…no…close friend of ours passed away today at 3:28pm. I had just today read a blog by his daughter about her father. She said she rarely spoke about him although she loved him dearly, she decided at his 70th birthday in January to break the silence and discuss how she had been so rebellious to his parenting, However, when she became a mother to a darling daughter…it all came back to her and she began to understand. All these years as she was growing up, he was doing his best to protect her as well as getting her to adulthood unscathed while she was pushing the other direction and thought he was unreasonable.
Well, I realized that I don’t have any of my own memories in writing about my parents or of my own parenting with my children. I have 2 brothers who were as different as black and white. Always thought my older brother was a little “strange” but his tours in Vietnam cemented the strange quirks. He died of alcoholism at the age of 57. He was so smart yet so haunted by those memories.. He just didn’t want to give up alcohol. Felt to bad for his family. His wife was such a saint and I think he hurt his daughters so much with his rejections. One weird thing about his death was that during the week before his death, Heather, his oldest, called and ask if she could come to visit. I was excited since they had never been to our house and I hadn’t seen her kids. Well, bless her young heart, she waited to start up here from Anderson, SC until she got off work. It takes like 7 hr trip! She got here after getting lost in Durham around 3am. We sat and talked for a couple of hours and I don’t remember the whole weekend but I do remember talking in detail about David and his alcohol. Heather is the main one who checked in on him and took $ out of his wallet while he was passed out to pay the rent and buy him some groceries. I had been a drug/alcohol addiction counselor for about 5 yrs…I knew his behavior…so I explained to this young daughter what she should expect. And I mean I explained in detail,..,what to expect physically. It was not going to be a pretty picture but she was pretty mature young lady. She went back home on Sunday but didn’t go by David’s because it was so late.. then Monday she was trying to catch up laundry, So she went by on Tuesday….and found him dead in a physical state so much like I had warned her it would be. How weird was it that I had been able to warn her of the situation that she did indeed find herself faced with. Another memory of David’s death was at the gravesite..he was cremated and his ashes spread on mom and dad’s graves in Nashville, Tn. The 2 girls spread his ashes during the small ceremony but afterwards, they sat on the ground and spread the ashes with their fingers while the rest of us talked. All of a sudden, one of them started laughing a little and said “mom, what’s this?”. Indeed, it was a coin, and then they found several other coins and a screw I think. The screw was from his left arm that have been broken many years before and the coins we could only figure must have been left in his pockets, All of about 75 cents. Greg told them to save it because that was probably their only inheritance!
My younger brother was such a different story! LOL He had to put up with me mothering him from the time he was so young. I loved to use that wax and make sure his flattop haircut was just perfect. He was always so pretty! LOL That was pretty much the story until he was about 10 yrs or so. When he was around 7 yrs, my mom went to work and he really had to put up with me! I would get up every morning and fix “oatmeal”,. Of course, since I really could not cook, I didn’t know how to cook it other than mixing oatmeal and water and boiling it, More than one day, I had to dig the oatmeal out of the pot with a shovel…or so Greg said! To this day he has an aversion to oatmeal.!!!! I know how to fix it now so I don’t know why he can’t get over it and eat it..its so good for him health wise. LOL
My mom and dad were such good parents and I don’t remember having too many “situations” of rebellions. Of course, you have to remember that this was back in the times that a child better not backtalk a parent or raise their voice to a parent, We would have gotten our teeth handed to us,,,,after we were peeled off the wall, However, I remember one situation in particular when I look back and cannot imagine the restraint they kept., I walked in at the age of 16 and swung my hand up in front of them to show then my “diamond” and announced that the guy who I had been dating and I were going to get married after I got out of high school. WOW!!!! I remember they were both in the kitchen and all my dad said was “oh yea?”. That was it, I didn’t hear another word out of either of them about my plans to get married until when I was nearing probably 17yrs, When dad and I were in the car together alone, he ask if this boyfriend of mine (he did call him by name), and ask if he was trying to get me to do “anything” I didn’t want to do. At least I could honestly answer that he had not…because he knew I would not. Now what I did know about this young man was that he was not a saint. I knew he left me at my door on the weekend at 11 (my curfew) and went to Tarboro at the American Legion which was a good partying site on the weekend. But I also knew that he better not make any “advances” toward me! But during my sr yr, the boy in question was already in the army (this is during the Vietnam war remember), came to my house unannounced and found a guy sitting beside me on my sofa. Opps! LOL now I wasn’t dating him or anything, but he wanted to date me, So there I sat with one guy on either side of me and my father opposite us with a newspaper in front of him. I knew he was laughing because the newspaper was jiggling. Finally, my fiance got up to leave and I walked out with him. He had gotten orders for Vietnam and wanted me to marry him before he left. I told him again that I had promised myself that I would not get married until I was out of hs. He said it was now or never! Well, giving me an ultimatum was like spitting in my face…especially about something like that! I took his ring off and handed it to him and told him I would see him after he got back! Well, he took the ring and threw it in the flower bed…and left. He did survive Vietnam but never came back to face me again.
Enough for now, I will continue to try to grab memories out of the air and tell about my day .., tomorrow! Love to all my family, so proud of you all, each and every one of you.